“you always go through times where it gets too hard”

December 30, 2010 § 4 Comments

Posted on https://freedocere.wordpress.com by Multatuli

I’ve definitely gone through times where I ask myself, “Do I still want to do this?” or “Why am I doing this?” because you always go through times where it gets too hard; it gets so physically and mentally demanding that you almost can’t take it anymore. But that’s what (gymnastic) is about. It pushes you to your limit, and it teaches you everything about yourself… I don’t know, I kept going back and I’d had another day that reminded me of why I’m there.

Shawn Johnson – 2008 olympic women gymnastics gold medalist



“We’re going to make it light for you”

December 24, 2010 § 3 Comments

The past two days have been bad bad bad for me. Although, you can look at it as a good thing. I found out some things about myself that I never knew before. I’ve been places. I’ve meet so many people. I’ve gone through the journey of getting to know myself as a young adult few years ago. But so much has happened in the past year that has affected me deeply. I thought I had gone through a tough thing, but I never let myself put too much thought about it. It’s a problem, I can’t solve it, I left it behind, life goes on, I have to move on to other things. But as a friend put it,

“These things just catch up with you”

Indeed they do. Sometimes it’s because the truth has finally caught up with you. Sometimes it’s the people whom you finally meet who bring other reality and show you the truth that you had been prevented from seeing before. Sometimes it’s simply because you haven’t properly dealt with something, that eventually it blows up in your face in the way you can never prepare yourself.

Every pressurized system needs a relief valve. There has to be a way to reduce the stress, the tension, before it becomes too much to bare. There has to be a way to find relief because if the pressure doesn’t find a way out, it will make one. It will explode. It’s the pressure we put on ourselves that’s the hardest to bare. The pressure to be better then we already are. The pressure to be better than we think we can be. It never ever lets up. It just builds and builds and builds.

– Meredith in Grey’s Anatomy-

I’m part of this “family” where everyone’s eyes lights up when they see me. My eyes light up when I see them. I’m torn away from the opportunity and the honour to work with them. So then 12 months feel like a long time. Twelve long months. And I had refused to look at it that way, but then, the truth just caught up with me.

So she then said knowingly,

“It’s hard for you here”

“I feel for you”

“We’re going to make it light for you”

“You have to keep your focus”

“Be strong”

“Keep going”

They are no longer professors and big scientists for me; they’re my aunt and uncle, and my big brother and big sister. The ones who say these are the ones I want with me in my journey. They know the blood and tears I shed. They’re the ones who know the injuries of my battles and feel the pain for me. They’re the ones creating a home for me here. So with all of that, because of all of that, I’m staying with these people.


Keep going -said by someone to me

December 23, 2010 § Leave a comment

I just want to share this,


Van: MK
Verzonden: donderdag 23 december 2010 12:38
Aan: RTU
Onderwerp: RE: Office

Dear Ajeng,

Keep going

– Monique

Relocation, relocation, relocation!

December 6, 2010 § Leave a comment

I have recently relocated to Nijmegen, The Netherlands for my research and studies.

A lovely place I must say. I was here for studies as well back in 2007. Back in those days I was mostly busy exploring the oh-so-many possibilities of travel and learning. Now I’m a little bit older, a little bit wiser (a little pain and disappointment forces you to usually), and eager for some serious work. I’m still enthusiastic as ever though..

I’ll keep you posted.





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