Regrets

September 23, 2010 § 3 Comments

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Regrets

I wish I knew how to be just friends with you. The right amount of being friendly. I wish I knew how to maintain the right distance from you.

I wish it ended with a proper talk between us. I wish there was some truth in your words. I wish there had been some words from you before we let everything burn.

I wish things were still the same, but then I’m betraying reality.

I wish you’re still you, and I’m still me, and we’re still us. But that means I really was being lied to and cheated.

I wish I didn’t think you’re a liar, but I can’t. I wish I don’t think you’re a bad person, but I can’t stop myself. You couldn’t stop yourself.

I’m a bad person, you’re a bad person, aren’t we all bad bad bad?

I wish I was not sorry that we once meant something, but I really am.

I wish I didn’t have regrets because that’s denying our past, but I do.

I regret that we came to know each other.

I regret that we lived each other the way we did. I prefer to not have met you in the first place.

I wish everything was just a stupid dream. You don’t take feelings with you when you get out of a dream. But this, this is a mistake.

We were in too deep, too far, and when everything went crashing we got too damaged.

I wish I had no regret, but I do.

-Multatuli. 2010.

A poem for Sarah

September 14, 2010 § Leave a comment

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“A Poem for Sarah”

It’s ok to cry Sarah,

many people has lost their dreams

some let go of it

some hold on

It’s ok to be sad Sarah,

but don’t be sad too long

some have lost our dreams

but we sail away anyway

there will be better days Sarah,

there will be time without too much pain

I hope you find it sarah,

I know you will

you’re beautiful Sarah,

your soul is beautiful

your walls are wonderful

but your garden is magnificent

when you love, you love, Sarah,

you see with eyes of a child

if only i hold your heart and hand

i’ll blow kisses, i’ll say you’ll be ok

hold on Sarah, hold on

don’t explain, don’t reason

don’t resist, don’t fight

you’re brave, you’ll be fine

it wasn’t your fault, Sa

you’ve lived and you’ve loved

it’s all just so you see, so I see,

that your love is beauty

Thank you to my old friend Joep for allowing me to post this poem here. This is a poem dedicated to his friend Sarah, who loved and lost, and survived.

Multatuli, September 2010

just like life pre-blackberry

September 6, 2010 § Leave a comment

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I was just thinking about blackberries. Wait, blackberrys is probably the right word. It has filled our lives with endless clicking, constant distraction and round-the-clock work access. Sounds good and bad at the same time? Because it really is good and bad at the same time.

I’m leaving for Eid family gathering in 2 days, and I take my bb. Also my mum and my father. I know we’ll put it down when we have the actual family gathering, but I can’t really picture my cousins would.

Note: this is not my cousin. Image is not mine, available from http://abrilliantblog.com/2009/03/why-does-everybody-have-a-qwerty-keyboard-phone-now/

I’m in awe when I meet people who are constantly making out with their bb. I own one, but I turned it silent the minute I get home. Sometimes I miss work-related text messages, but it’s fine because I work 8 to 2, anything outside those hours is not an emergency. The point is, I still have my life without having to hold a bb at home. Not every little thing in my life is digitized. I still write with pen and paper. I still enjoy opening up a newspaper and reading it as I turn the pages. I still have conversations with people at home.

It’s just like my life pre-blackberry. The difference is that now I don’t have to rush to my laptop just to check my email replies. It’s brilliant.

So folks, I know you have your blackberry, with your groups, and your twitter, and your fb on it. But remember, you also have a life to live.

Multatuli – 7 sept 10

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