the first love that got away

November 10, 2009 § Leave a comment

A famous rockstar stated in an interview about his first lover,

“It was pretty great. I didn’t say things like, “I want you to be my girlfriend, I want to marry you or I want to be with you forever.” It was like, “I want us to be friends forever.” And now she’s with someone else. I was just excited to be there and have what we had. It was very intense. We spent a lot of time together, and it was my first feeling of being in love.”

I wish I could have said the same about mine. That statement was so graceful, so honest and kind. So accepting, so grateful.

For me, that first love that got away from me caused an excruciating pain. Being in love with each other we were enlightened, happy, grateful. It was intense and passionate. I just wish that it didn’t end up as badly as it did, or better, that it never happened at all.

In a blurry flashback, for me it was what it was. I can’t define it. I don’t like to reminisce what happened, what could have happened. It was something in the past and whatever damage it caused was already done. And now, older and wiser, I’d say that maybe we made a mistake of starting that catastrophic relationship in the first place, but we couldn’t help it at that time, we loved each other.

So, when someone asked me about that first love that got away, I answered, “It was what it was”


-Multatuli. Semarang 10/11/2009




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