How much do you have to lose to be with a man?

February 25, 2009 § 4 Comments

How much do you have to lose to be with a man?

True, love is sacrifice. Great love is tested by difficulties, separation, pain, and eventually overcoming those. But great love doesn’t have to be a constant struggle. And you certainly don’t have to lose yourself to find a man, a husband, a father for your child.

I am a firm believer in strength of character. My parents raised me to be my own person, develop my own character, goals and achieve my own greatness. There was never a rule on when I should marry a man nor on what I should do as a woman. I was never taught to keep up my appearnce, but I was told to keep up my performance. There were however, advice on how I should balance family and work. And that’s how my mother lives, balancing family and work. The women in my family are strong, career-driven women with a warm home and husbands who appreciate them, and that’s what inspires me.

And lately, I am questioning sacrifice.

Are you, as a woman, willing to give up anything for stability, for security of a home, a steady flow of money from a husband?

Are you willing to lose your choices?

What if he forces you to throw away your dreams?

Your passion for life?

Your friends?

Your life?

Your Self?

And what is there after losing so much of YOU? House with a garden, car, shopping trips every other weekend, someone to take you places, someone to tell you what to do, someone you assume will spend the rest of his life with you.

There is no Love in restraints, in balls and chains. It’s not love if it’s a prison, and it’s certainly not love when you are forced to be the person he wants.

It’s not love when you are forced to lose everything you love. Love doesn’t deprive you, love doesn’t isolate you. Love doesn’t make you sad because of so many things you have to lose in exchange for it.

You are richer with love, you are better with it. You are warmer because of it. You are stronger, and yet more kind.

So, in the end, I don’t believe in sacrificing myself to be with someone.

And that man is walking beside me to share dreams, passion, friends, and life together with. A man that can handle having a woman with her life and choices. A lover and a partner.



§ 4 Responses to How much do you have to lose to be with a man?

  • multatuli says:

    Some comments on this post from a mailing list:

    BS wrote:
    Dear,, for this time I think I disagree with what you have wrote.. Well I understand perfectly that life is a personal thing for everyone as they have their own choices on how to live their own life.. And for me I believe in greatness and holiness of marriage.. and sometimes we need change in our life. Marriage does not necessarily have to forced to you that you have changed yourself.. just experiencing something new.. embrace it with grace.. if eventually you are changed that’s OK.. its for the better..
    Well I guess that’s just my opinion. My point is that Don’t be afraid of getting married or to be a different person after you get yourself engaged in holy matrimony..

    MK wrote:
    “pengalaman pribadi banget ya..
    is it reallty true what you wrote..?
    cuz it may me think, Waw…. there’s so much this person’s sacrifice for a status…”

    AY wrote:
    rahasia nih..
    Dlm hati g sempet terpikir kayak gitu..”

    Nia Prajnya wrote:
    inspiring, this was… waw

    MB wrote:
    CInta itu bikin buta.. hahaha

    Isky Iskandar wrote:
    imho, mungkin kamu yang gak biasa dengan perubahannya, karena udh ada persepsi sblmnya “temanku selama ini blablabla…” pdhl belum tentu, ya kan? mungkin justru itu yang dia cari selama ini, tapi kt gak tau
    moral of the story, selama dia hepi, yaaa turut bahagia lah hehe

    I think this is a good topic to throw to girls and women. We should at some point contemplate about this.

  • ayu says:

    I only want to marry a man who could respect me as an individual with my own talent, choice and desire.

  • DayDreamer says:

    Inspired by someone ???

    Saya percaya bahwa hidup ini adalah PILIHAN…
    Dan kita selalu punya pilihan.

    Kenapa harus berubah kalau kita bisa saling menyesuaikan dengan apa yang kita punya?

    Kenapa kita harus berkorban kalau dalam pernikahan kita bisa berkompromi tanpa ada yang harus dikorbankan?

    Kenapa harus menderita kalau kita bisa memilih untuk tidak menderita ???

    Bukan berarti saya seorang feminis, tapi saya… sebagai wanita… tidak akan mengorbankan masa depan dan keseluruhan hidup saya untuk “cinta”… karena itu bukan lagi cinta namanya…

  • […] Posted on March 2, 2009 by multatuli Tulisan “How much will you give up to be with a man” adalah sebuah refleksi jujur dari kebingungan yang saya alami. Saya melihat perempuan baik dan […]

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