Eventually, I will have to forgive myself

December 25, 2008 § 1 Comment

A young girl travels, and on the way to a worship place she met a woman with whom she had a conversation. Clearly, the woman was very upset, she looked tired and sad, but there was something in her eyes that caught the girl’s attention. Although there was pain in her eyes, there was also hope there. The girl asked what had happened, and the woman said that she had just lost a friend she dearly loved. She started saying,

“I can’t take back the love I’ve given. I can’t keep the heart I’ve given. And what left is sometimes my soul torn apart and my faith crumbled. I had nothing else but anger and sadness. And when the pain was most intense, I wondered whether it would ever go away.

Eventually, I will have to forgive myself for loving so much, for loving the people who end up hurting me or going away from me. It’s me I have to forgive for choosing to love. Loving is not a mistake, but to choose it is to be brave.

I pray for the strength and courage to love others, to love life.

I pray for the strength and courage to live and feel.

I pray for a big heart, a kind soul, a warm spirit.

I pray for a light in my heart, the kind that will shine brightly like stars in a dark night.

I pray that God keeps me safe and well.

I pray that despite all that has happened, I will be alright”

-ajeng, jepara. 25-12-2008. http://docere.antiblog.com-

This story was written out of pain. And yet at the same time, there is always hope and forgiveness. When it’s dark and you’re hurting, you just wish that everything will be allright


the plan

December 18, 2008 § 4 Comments

The plan is not just to become a specialist of internal medicine. The plan is to become a consultant of infectious disease and tropical medicine, a professor, and a world leading expert in this field. And if someone says that it’s too much of a goal then they haven’t met me.

So in a very subtle and serious and non-arrogant way, let me try to explain this.

We are given capacities, chances, opportunities, and sometimes, the luck to have many of each. This is a gift that we must be grateful of, by giving our best effort to use it for goodness and the benefit of others. It’s only in the culture of mediocrity and laziness that being ambitious is a bad thing. I have been referred to as being an ambitious person by a professor of mine, and it turned out to be a huge compliment.

I don’t want to be a big fish in a small pond. I want to be a big fish in a big pond.

So, wherever you are, if you think big, don’t back off just because people say that you’re ambitious and that’s a bad thing.


December 2, 2008 § 1 Comment

Katakan kau menginginkanku
bidadari penyairmu
Katakan kau tahu lelah pedihku
Katakan kau di sini untukku

Katakan kau memujaku
seperti hitam yang memuja bintang
membiarkannya bersinar
Katakan kau tempatku bersandar

Katakan kau ingin bersamaku
Katakan di tengah derasnya cinta
aku tempat berlabuh
Kau tempatku berlabuh

Kita akan menari bersama
karena kita tahu ini cinta
Lalu kita akan memuja Kehidupan bersama
Memuja Cahaya dan warna-warnanya

Aku menunggu
Hilang dan tenggelam
Terbang dan melayang
Katakan kau akan datang

ajeng. 2-12-2008.

Buat yang ingin tahu keinginanku… 🙂

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