to write love on her arms
July 23, 2007 § Leave a comment
To write love on her arms. Love is the movement!!!
This movement save lives! People are coming out, saying that they’re in pain. Others are saying that they know what it’s like. There’s something in the words, in the movement, that instantly touches those who’ve known what pain is. It’s amazing how six words connect people, remind them there’s a way out of the darkness.
I have my scars. Sometimes, some people can see it in me. Very few know my story. No one knows my fight. Only those who’ve been broken know what brokenness is. Only those standing close enough to darkness itself and breaking away from it- can share their story of struggle. Only those bold enough to embrace their own feeling can turn pain into compassion. Only those humble enough can feel safe despite knowing the pain may come again. The hopeful goes on with love.
We just want to be OK. Some will be fine when they know that someone else understands. Some will be fine when there’s someone with them along the way. Some will be fine when they know they’re loved in spite of. Some will be fine when they know that they can get through if they just find their way.
“Sometimes I thought if I just hold on to the material things I’ll be OK. My medical books. There’s always a goal, one after another. Finish these pages. Finish the exercises. Don’t feel, no feeling is necessary, just get through the books. Don’t think about people. Just focus on what I have to remember. Look at the pile of books to read and study. Just study. Don’t pick up the guitar, playing it makes me feel. I can’t afford to feel right now, I’ll drown. Just think. Think, and read, and memorize, and take notes. You don’t choose your pain, but you do choose your drug. Maybe my studying is not just something that comes out from love. It’s probably my drug. After all, that’s what desire is all about. To eliminate pain and evoke pleasure.
Interestingly, people say I’m hard. Those who know me better say I’m sensitive. I really don’t need the labels. What I know is that I force myself to be honest. To me. ‘Over-analyzing myself’ is a rather over-rated term. I’m just trying to be a person, stay human, and accept the fact that I feel.
Before knowing the phrase, on my rainy days I would concentrate to feel love again. Somehow. Just try to focus on good things and ‘see The Love before, within, and after everything’, like what I’ve learned all this time. Twloha is a message to find that Love. And to give love. This sounds cheesy, this sounds silly. But I was given love when I needed it the most. I’ve tried to give love when that person needs it the most. I know what it’s all about.
I read these sentences I wrote again and again. And then I started singing out few lines. Then I took my guitar. Then I started writing a verse for a song. Then I started to write the chorus. Then after it was finished I was starting to feel OK again.
I remember, love is the movement! Spread the word, walk the talk.
Ajeng. Semarang, 23 July 2007.