to write love on her arms

July 23, 2007 § Leave a comment

To write love on her arms. Love is the movement!!!

http://www.myspace.com/towriteloveonherarms
http://www.twloha.com

This movement save lives! People are coming out, saying that they’re in pain. Others are saying that they know what it’s like. There’s something in the words, in the movement, that instantly touches those who’ve known what pain is. It’s amazing how six words connect people, remind them there’s a way out of the darkness.

I have my scars. Sometimes, some people can see it in me. Very few know my story. No one knows my fight. Only those who’ve been broken know what brokenness is. Only those standing close enough to darkness itself and breaking away from it- can share their story of struggle. Only those bold enough to embrace their own feeling can turn pain into compassion. Only those humble enough can feel safe despite knowing the pain may come again. The hopeful goes on with love.

We just want to be OK. Some will be fine when they know that someone else understands. Some will be fine when there’s someone with them along the way. Some will be fine when they know they’re loved in spite of. Some will be fine when they know that they can get through if they just find their way.

“Sometimes I thought if I just hold on to the material things I’ll be OK. My medical books. There’s always a goal, one after another. Finish these pages. Finish the exercises. Don’t feel, no feeling is necessary, just get through the books. Don’t think about people. Just focus on what I have to remember. Look at the pile of books to read and study. Just study. Don’t pick up the guitar, playing it makes me feel. I can’t afford to feel right now, I’ll drown. Just think. Think, and read, and memorize, and take notes. You don’t choose your pain, but you do choose your drug. Maybe my studying is not just something that comes out from love. It’s probably my drug. After all, that’s what desire is all about. To eliminate pain and evoke pleasure.

Interestingly, people say I’m hard. Those who know me better say I’m sensitive. I really don’t need the labels. What I know is that I force myself to be honest. To me. ‘Over-analyzing myself’ is a rather over-rated term. I’m just trying to be a person, stay human, and accept the fact that I feel.

Before knowing the phrase, on my rainy days I would concentrate to feel love again. Somehow. Just try to focus on good things and ‘see The Love before, within, and after everything’, like what I’ve learned all this time. Twloha is a message to find that Love. And to give love. This sounds cheesy, this sounds silly. But I was given love when I needed it the most. I’ve tried to give love when that person needs it the most. I know what it’s all about.

I read these sentences I wrote again and again. And then I started singing out few lines. Then I took my guitar. Then I started writing a verse for a song. Then I started to write the chorus. Then after it was finished I was starting to feel OK again.

I remember, love is the movement! Spread the word, walk the talk.

Ajeng. Semarang, 23 July 2007.

Rahajeng Tunjung's Facebook profile

gila

July 19, 2007 § Leave a comment

Kemaren dosenku di Belanda ngasi revisi paperku lagi. Dia minta aku cantumin beberapa penjelasan tambahan (tentang kondisi geografis indonesia, status sosek perempuan indonesia, participatory governance di indonesia). Masing-masing dalam beberapa kalimat aja.
Yang gila, untuk tiap hal di atas, aku ngabisin lebih dari 1 jam online untuk cari referensi. Tau sendiri, cari referensi online di indonesia sulit, cari referensi bukan online lebih sulit lagi.
Dan untuk nulis tiap 2 kalimat tambahan (untuk masing-masing subyek tadi) aku harus baca minimal 5 dokumen… tiap dokumen entah berapa halaman panjangnya.
Belum mikir nyusun kalimat yang efektif dan bener pake english.
Ini bener2 belajar. Bersyukur banget sekolah di Indonesia dan masih muda begini udah ngrasain bikin paper yang ampe gila-gilaan gini.

the dance performance in Naples

July 15, 2007 § Leave a comment

These are pics of my dance performance in Naples, Italy. We were ending the international workcamp and decided to have this cultural event, a fiesta, with the locals, our neighbours around the immigrant center. And yeah, I performed Gambang Semarang, the traditional dance. My last traditional dance performance was about 10 years ago. So this was really challenging. During the dance I just didn’t pay attention to the audience, I was so focused in trying not to mess up my moves. All I know was that afterwards, people came to me, giving me hugs and kisses and said, “Wow, Angelica, that’s really beautiful… Thanks.” Angelica was how I was called then, my Italian nickname given by the italians there. Hm, glad they liked it. I didn’t know what was going on in the audience then, but when I opened the pictures again from that summer night in 2005, I realized what was it like for them to watch the dance performance. I guess it was a cultural experience for them even just to watch someone who had been working in the neighborhood to perform for them.

Watch1

W21

W31

Dance1

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hal-hal

July 13, 2007 § Leave a comment

Kalau lagi ga banyak kerjaan, banyak hal-hal yang terlintas. Lebih banyak waktu untuk berpikir.
Gmana kemaren ketemu dosen yang dengan becanda bilang aku sombong karena ga bales emailnya. Ternyata beliau ngirim ke alamat email lama yang emang dah berbulan-bulan ga kubuka.

Gmana dosen di belanda pernah nyebut aku “ambisius”, sampe aku malu banget. Ga enak aja, dan jadi mikir, “ astaga, waduh, aku salah ngomong ni…”. Tapi ternyata itu kualitas yang baik menurut beliau. Yah, alhamdulillah kalo gitu.

Lalu… hm, beberapa hari terakhir ini aku lagi berusaha ngontak temen lama, pengen ngobrol2 aja sama dia karena sejak pulang dari belanda belum ada kesempatan. Mungkin diantara temen SMP, cuma dia yang sering aku kontak. Dan dulu sempet lama banget aku nganggep dia sahabatku. Kita udah sering ada masalah, sebabnya karena dia pemalu, ga cocok sama temen2ku yang berisik dan outgoing banget. Di acara2 yang penting buatku dia ga dateng dengan berbagai alasan.
5 hari yang lalu aku tanya bisa ga kita ngopi dan ngobrol2. Dia bilang dia sibuk dsb, dan ga ada waktu ketemu aku. Terus ternyata 3 hari yang lalu kita sms-an dan dia bilang bahwa dia lagi nonton Die Hard 4.0 sama temen-temennya yang aku kenal baik. Dia bilang ga ngajak aku karena dia pikir aku udah nonton sama temen-temenku yang lain. Astaga, nanya dulu kek. Udah tau aku lagi nganggur dan pengen hangout ma dia. Ga enak banget, ditinggal gitu aja. Dan yang lebih parah lagi kemaren pagi dia sms aku nanya apa aku mau ikut ke Malang sama dia, temen SMP kita ngadain acara lamaran. Aku pikir karena dia yang ngajak yaudahlah, gapapa, ada itikad baik untuk nyertain aku sekarang. Aku bilang boleh aja, agak ga terlalu antusias karena… tumben aja ngajak aku. Terus, ternyata ada udang di balik batu. Dia sms lagi, nanya bisa pake mobilku ga karena mobil temennya lagi di bengkel. Gila, ini sih parah. Dan ternyata dia juga mengkoordinasi temen2 SMP kita yang lain untuk naik mobilku, tanpa ngasi tau aku siapa aja anak2nya. Wow… Dan abis terima sms itu aku bener-bener berharap bisa sabar, ga sakit hati. Tapi sulit. Sulit banget.
Bayangin: aku mo ngobrol ma dia, dia ga mau. Dia maen, aku ga diajak. Giliran ngajak aku, ternyata karena dia dan orang-orang lagi butuh mobilku. Jleb jleb.
Lucu, seorang temen yang lagi emosi dan belum lama kenal aku pernah bilang aku orang yang cuma mikirin untung rugi kalo temenan. Padahal aku udah beberapa kali ngalamin justru jadi pihak yang diperlakukan semena-mena gini.

Ajeng. Jakarta, 12 Mei 2007

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Seeing Edia

July 11, 2007 § Leave a comment

Seeing Edia

Edia is my teacher. I used to call her Dr. Budi, but at some point she started signing her email to me using her first name, and since then I called her Edia. She’s a lecturer and a writer. Trained as a medical doctor but not a clinician anymore; she deals mostly with urban planning and health-related social issues.
At first glance she reminds me of my mother, just about the same age though she looks older, with the same passion when talking about injustice, with the same “hippie style”. I don’t even know how to properly explain what is a hippie style, but that’s just how I see her. With any kind of subject she teaches in class, she always stresses the importance of empowerment. Empowerment of people, empowerment of women. With that she fascinates me. I have to admit that despite the intriguing world of medical science, I like to contemplate on social issues as well. I’d like to think that despite my being a clinician someday, I should keep learning whatever I want in whatever field. For me that’s like a requirement in being human and living.
With every discussion in class, I got a better idea of what she believes in, what kind of work she does. She’s a consultant for major international organizations. She writes articles for journal publications and reports. Once she sent a report draft for me to study, complete with a first page heading, “Do not circulate or edit”. That report draft was yet to be published.
She’s so thin, so absorbed in her work that she told me she often forgot to eat. A colleague once told me that after a session in a conference, everyone sat down at a table for dinner. She just kept talking to another lecturer, just tossing the food around the plate with her fork. By the time everyone finished their meal and ready to get back to the conference room her meal was practically untouched, she left and didn’t eat any of it. Another time, when I wanted to discuss something with her she told me that we should go to the cafetaria and talk there instead, so she could have lunch. It turned out that the day before a friend of her was surprised of how thin she looked, and warned her to pay more attention to herself, and to eat. Most of the time, she said, she just work in her office, unaware of how many meals she missed.
Anytime I entered her office she’d be in front of her computer, writing the next article or report or email or lecture. And I thought, now that, that is pure dedication.
With that much time she spent working, and the amount of work she has to do, it makes more sense to picture her being single and unmarried. I didn’t expect her to have a family. But then she mentioned a son. Another time she mentioned a daughter. Then I got the chance to visit her at her house. I met her son. She said, “My partner, the father of my children is in America right now, working”. But still, I see a family.
In Edia I see belief, commitment, dedication and passion.

I meet many people from places around the world. I get to know them. Sometimes I get to see what their works are like, what their characters are like. Sometimes I could meet their family. And in some rare chances, I get to see what’s in their heart.

Ajeng. Semarang, 11 July 2007

announcement for blog readers

July 11, 2007 § Leave a comment

Hi guys,

just informing you that the categories have changed.
All posts from 2005 til the most recent can be accessed through THOUGHTS, EXPERIENCE.
My trips in 2005 and 2007 have separate categories; but both included in TRAVEL.
New category: LIFE IN MEDICINE.
Enjoy the hopefully easier navigating!!!

…cinta…

July 10, 2007 § Leave a comment

Sudah lama saya tinggalkan pembahasan tentang cinta. Mungkin hari ini saya sedang ingin terinspirasi. Seperti yang seringkali saya lakukan, saat butuh inspirasi saya berdiskusi, menulis, atau membaca.

Kali ini ada sepenggal pelajaran universal dari Ustadz Quraish Shihab dalam bukunya “Menyingkap Tabir Ilahi: Asmaul Husna dalam Perspektif Al-Quran”. Beliau mendasarkan buku ini pada karya Al-Ghazali dan ulama-ulama lain.

Beliau mengungkapkan, alasan menulis buku ini adalah karena selama ini Allah yang diperkenalkan pada kita adalah Yang Maha Pedih Siksanya, Yang Maha Perkasa, atau Yang Maha Besar Ancamannya; bukannya “Allah yang cinta-Nya merupakan samudra tak bertepi, yang anugrahnya seperti langit tak berujung, yang amarah-Nya dikalahkan oleh rahmat-Nya, serta yang pintu ampunan-Nya terbuka lebar sepanjang saat, dan bukan pula Allah yang mengajak dan mengajak ‘Siapa yang punya hajat agar bermohon kepadaku supaya Ku-kabulkan hajatnya, siapa yang berdosa agar datang guna Ku-hapus dosanya walau sebanyak wadah langit dan bumi’” Sebab lain adalah karena selama ini terkesan keberagamaan kita tidak sejalan dengan sifat-sifat Allah, padahal keberagamaan adalah upaya meneladani sifat-sifat-Nya.

Pada pembahasan tentang Al-Wadud, yang secara singkat beliau artikan “Yang Maha Mencintai-Mengasihi, Yang Maha Dicintai”. Kata ini mengandung makna cinta, “cinta yang tampak buahnya dalam sikap dan perlakuan, serupa dengan kepatuhan sebagai hasil rasa kagum kepada seseorang”.

Firman-Nya dalam QS Maryam 19:96, “Sesungguhnya orang-orang yang beriman dan beramal saleh, Allah yang Maha Pemurah akan menanamkan wudda (cinta) kepada mereka (terhadap makhluk-makhluk Allah yang lain.”

Seseorang yang meneladani Allah dalam sikap wadud akan selalu berusaha mencinta sesama makhluk, mengharapkan dan memberikan kebaikan untuk mereka.

Di akhir tiap pembahasan beliau selalu menyampaikan sebuah doa berkenaan dengan sifat Allah tersebut,
“Ya Allah, Aku bermohon kepada-Mu dengan cahaya cinta-Mu yang Engkau anugerahkan ke hati para nabi dan manusia-manusia pilihan-Mu. Anugerahkanlah cinta kepada-Mu dalam hati kami, sebagaimana Engkau anugerahkan kepada mereka, dan berikan pula cinta terhadap kami kepada hamba-hamba semuanya. Wa shallallaahu ‘alaa sayyidinaa Muhammad wa ‘alaa aalihi wa shahbihii wa sallam”

Wa Allah ‘alam.

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