the review and the A

July 25, 2006 § 1 Comment

So. I, with 3 other students in my group, presented my research article and had it reviewed by 3 lecturers today.
I had been intensely stressed out about the presentation because I badly need an A in this review for a very specific reason.
*
Two days ago, in an attempt to reduce my stress, I scheduled a dinner with my three good friends who happen to be my seniors. We became friends through playing sports. Angel, two years ahead of me in med school, is going to be a real doctor very soon. Rina is currently having her internship in neurology and Ella in pediatrics. And I, the youngest of all four, still fighting my my way out of the 8th semester of pre-clinic. I insisted on meeting Angel, and then she managed to ask Ella and Rina to come along (they finally cancelled a date and a meeting at the last minute to be with us). We’re going to meet the following day.

Yesterday, I had a nightmare about my presentation; it wasn’t clear, but it’s obviously chaotic. I was freaked out because of it. I got stomachache for hours. And around 5pm I had a strange urge to go to my dentist and get my braces fixed. There would be pain, of course, but it’s a jinx; I got the feeling that something bad would happen with my presentation if I didn’t go to the dentist that evening. I mean, we can’t mess around with intuition when we’re facing something big, right? Or maybe it’s just a weird compulsion? Whatever. I was at the dentist from 6-7pm. Right afterwards I met Ella, Rina and Angel for dinner.

We had a great time having pizza and long conversation. Plenty of the latest juicy news from the hospital. News about the people we know or don’t know. Stories from Angel about her comprehensive internship in Slawi. Updates from me about the pre-clinical world. I got to be all worried about my presentation the following day and had them comfort me a bit. It was a great evening. Fun and very relaxed.

I got back home about 10pm, and still had to print some papers and rehearse my presentation. I took a multivitamin, which turned out to be way too energizing. I finished my rehearsal around 1am and finally managed to fall asleep at 3.30am only after 1 Decolgen tablet and 1 anti-histamine tablet (consumed with the sole purpose of helping me sleep).

I woke up very drowsy this morning at 7am, only after 3.5 hours of sleep. I took a shower, a tablet of multivitamin (yup guys, the same kind as last night) and drank a cup of coffee. After some crazy arguments with my parents about me not filling up the gas tank of my car, I finally went to campus. I watched my bestfriend’s presentation, and at 10am with my group went to psychiatric hospital to meet our research supervisor dr.Onang. After some theoretical and spiritual advice from dr. Onang, we felt a bit more confident about the presentation. We got settled starting from 12.30pm. The presentation would start at 2pm but there were already so many people coming into the discussion room to watch us. It’s nerve-wrecking.

At 2pm the presentation finally started. And I did my presentation in English, an attempt to score extra points (so I could secure an “A”, right?!). After the presentation I didn’t get that many questions, unlike my friends. It’s all good in the discussion room. No yelling. No humiliation. No arguments. Just questions and answers. So it was all happy ending for me in the discussion room today.

RaTu. 25 July 2006. http://docere.antiblog.com
(special thanks for Ella, Rina ‘01, and Angel ‘00 for the never-ending support. I luv u all Gurls!!!)

I WAS A GIRL A GUY CHEATED WITH

July 23, 2006 § 2 Comments

I was a girl a guy cheated with. Seriously. It wasn’t a real relationship. It wasn’t even a dating situation. It’s just comfortable moments we shared together with sparks all around us. Back and forth flirts with some heat.

He’d already had a girlfriend at that time. I had probably known that fact from the start, him being with someone. But I chose instead to believe my own assumptions of him being a single guy and that he’d already broken up with his girlfriend. I was a fool. You’d probably think that. But I didn’t feel like a fool. At least not in the beginning. I thought I could charm a guy. Seduce him into finally liking and choosing me and leaving his current girlfriend. You see, it wasn’t like stealing someone’s boyfriend. I felt like getting a brand new challenge. It’s like a competition for me. “Pick me, pick me!” And ironically, I’m a competitive girl.

I had been wrong all along. He’s just a guy, playing with his chances, enjoying his time with both me and his girlfriend at once. He pushed it as far as he could. I was plain stupid. Wishful thinking got the best of me and I kept pushing my luck.

I’ve forgotten what my wake-up call was. The moment when I realize he’s being a total jerk. The moment when my exact thought was, “I’m a great girl, and he can’t even choose me over this other girl who’s not as-great-as-I-am.” But one day, that thought came through. And I stopped all kinds of contacts with him. It wasn’t easy, but I made it.

Obviously his girlfriend wasn’t enough for him. I wasn’t enough for him. He thought he wanted both of us. Based on that, I figured that nothing will ever be enough for him. He’s not a good person, and he couldn’t be a good person for me. I just want a good person for myself. I’m young. I had fun. I made mistakes. I learn.

It wasn’t about him or his girlfriend. It wasn’t even about me wanting to be with a guy that I liked. It’s just lust and competitiveness. It’s all about me.

RaTu. July 2006. http://docere.antiblog.com

DIGNITY BY UNIFORM

July 23, 2006 § 2 Comments

If I had to remember one conversation lately, I would choose my conversation with my parents during breakfast this morning. Of course, in my family, breakfast is not a typical thing. Usually my father grab a plate of full meal while my mother and I just drink a cup of coffee, and all of us will each take turns to read the newspapers headlines. We have 3 kinds of newspapers everyday, by the way. I prefer Seputar Indonesia with the casual style and broad topics. My father is more drawn to Kompas. My mother always picks up Suara Merdeka first to check out the local gossip about how the Mayor found his latest strategy to make poor people in our city suffer more; and then construct a plan to fight against his actions. I guess my mother and I both are stimulated by confrontations. We don’t crave them, we don’t avoid them. We’re simply challenged by them. But that’s a story for another time.
Back to the conversation. There’s a wedding invitation on the coffee table. My father informed me that the bride is a psychologist and the groom is a policeman. Not a very important information for me. That’s exactly my father, often saying things without any explicit substantial message. I looked at the invitation, and all I notice was how old the groom looked. And then he had all this undergraduate and graduate degrees behind his name, as well as, I suppose, the high ranking in police department. So that’s why he’s that old. Then my mother made a comment coming out from annoyance: “Your father always admire policemen when we hate them.” I strongly agree with my mother. I was still disgusted by the Johar incident (check my blog entry, “Pemerasan dan Intimidasi di Perempatan”) in particular. I have strong negative emotions toward police.
I said something to my mother about police being a profession doomed with disrespect. And that I feel annoyed and irritated by policemen, in whatever form. Respect is earned through what we do and how we perform as professionals, not automatically entitled to someone just because they wear an official uniform.
For me, dignity must come from what we do, not what we are. I find it very funny that police cadets go around the city wearing their formal uniform, as if be they beg to be noticed and saluted, looked at with admiration and envy. How can a public servant trained to behave like that? No wonder we hate policemen for their behaviours, they’re institutionalized even since their training. Same thing with disciplinary schools who insist their students to wear their “military-like” uniform when casually going out of dorm. You’re made to believe that you can gain respect simply by wearing the uniform when others don’t.
I know how empowering a special uniform can be; I’ve been there. The thing about special uniform was it made you feel special, it made you believe that you’re special. I believed that until a teacher in junior high yelled at me (which was years ago) and said that there’s no pride in carrying around the name of the institution we belong to, when our activities at that time were irrelevant to the institution. We wear work uniforms for work. They’re just clothes. If they happen to be shining with attached golden stars then be it. We must know better that we wear them not so we can make the stars appear more glossy and have more people admire them.
If my uniform is going to be white, then it’s an effort to symbolize the spiritual intentions of our hearts. It’s not a public statement. It’s a reminder of how we’re suppose to do our job.

RaTu. July 2006. http://docere.antiblog.com

THE KILOGRAMS

July 23, 2006 § 1 Comment

I’ve never talked much about my weight. I guess now is the time. Losing weight is one of my biggest achievements in life. If you lose 3 kg, it’s great. But to burn up more than 18 kilograms of your body fat requires enormous amount of effort and time. I did it. And it’s a great satisfaction even until today. I’ve changed my body and my life for good.

It’s great to have my friends comment on how thin I am now (compared to 15 kg ago, obviously); and how I looked different now after most of the fats were gone from my face, showing a bit more of my cheekbones.

But I had never been thin. I was always either chubby or fat although most of the time I was considered athletic. I’ve been blessed to have a heavy and dense skeletal structure with well trained balance and flexibility. I was seriously involved with competitive sport for a long period of time. It was table tennis for two years in primary school; basketball or martial arts everyday for two years in middle school, and basketball again in college. I’ve been troubled with asthma, so I like sports with more element of strength and flexibility rather than ones that demands powerful and continuous running. I had hurt my knees, my thumb and several sprained muscles in 10 years. The sports definitely helped me stay in shape, but when I stopped, it resulted in unmanageable weight gain. I was heaviest during my high school years. I didn’t do any sports, and practically become a full-time potato couch. Without any exercise, my appetite took the better of me, and in 3 years I gained 15 kg.

Let’s fast forward to my second year in college. I got back again to basketball, and when the team was preparing for a tournament, I realized that I’d lost 3 kg just by having the practices, without any kind of food restrictions. And then I saw a videotape of our game, and I thought that I looked terrible on the tv screen having a body like that. I knew then, that I would need some help to really lose all the weight. After the tournament ended, I began to have a serious diet and acupuncture to help control my appetite and hunger, while maintaining my rigorous exercise. I had controlled meal and hard basketball practice for at least an hour everyday. Months passed by. I grew smaller as my clothes grew loose on my body. After about a year, I hit a point where I got tired of excessive diet and exercise. I decided that I’d reached my stable bodyweight, where I felt comfortable without having to suffer at all.

And I’m still there, with the same weight on the scale. Thank God. I still have occasional problems with appetite. I know that I love sweet food and sugar. I tend to eat compulsively, especially just before my period. I don’t metabolize the food as fast as most people do, making me more susceptible to weight gain. I have a family history of insulin resistance (type 2 diabetes) from both of my parents’ sides. There’s a long process of learning and trying to understand my body. I had to continuously remind myself of my relationship with food and my own body. It’s more work psychologically than it is physically. Some people occasionally make hard and negative comments about my body at present, saying I got fatter, or that I should be thinner. But it’s my body, not theirs, and I’m the one who decides which weight I should feel great in.

Over the years, I’ve become more aware of some things. First, my body is my own, nothing like other people. I’m built with my own metabolism, and it’s up to me to understand the workings of my body, how I would gain or lose weight. Second, is that I must maintain my own aim of healthy weight; but the ultimate goal is to feel great about my body and feel great to be inside it. Life is good man…

RaTu. Semarang, July 2006
http://docere.antiblog.com

Laptop. Notebook.

July 23, 2006 § Leave a comment

I dont personify my laptop. There were some suggestions from my friends for me to name my laptop. But I personally thought of it as highly childish and unnecessary. Maybe because the most significant meaning of this laptop for me is not in itself, but in its function. My laptop is just a tool for me to pour out all the intellectual product of my mind and the occational emotional outburst inside me.
I use it when I need it.
My laptop is not a high performance laptop. It’s a second-hand DELL Lattitude on a fair price and condition, without internal CD drive, only 10 GB of harddisk, and 1 USB port. My main reason of purchase: it’s small and light. Newer small laptops from Sonny or Apple would be my ideal choice, but only if you have the money to buy them; I don’t (and this is also because every member of my family each own a medium-priced laptop).
Fact is, I can always carry it around in my hand like it’s a book (smaller and lighter than most medical textbooks, that’s for sure). I can just put it inside my Jansport backpack along with tons of books I always bring everywhere and hide the fact that I carry a laptop inside. And because it’s not brand new when I got it, I can be more expressive in costumizing the exterior. There’s a huge sticker at the cover saying LOVE and STOP RACISM. There are another two inside, one saying START YOUR DAY WITH LOVE and a name label with a pic of GARFIELD, my all-time idol.
Since the day before I got this laptop, I already picture myself wandering around with this thing and be as mobile and creative as possible. And it’s a dream come true thanks to my mum who got me this piece of device 2 years ago.
There’s strange attachment between me and this laptop. Everyone says that this laptop is way too small. Even the keyboards are so different from regular 15” laptop. But the fact is, my brain is already set-up and wired to effeciently use this laptop. It’s very hard to start writing in front of other computers. When I see this laptop, I feel the urge to write. I feel the push to create. It’s been a great partnership all along.

RaTu. July 2006. http://docere.antiblog.com

Intimidasi dan Pemerasan di Perempatan

July 12, 2006 § 3 Comments

“Gimana mbak, mau diselesaikan di sini atau di sidang?”
“Terserah mbak saja…”
“Ada waktu untuk ke pengadilan?”
“Atau mau dititipkan saja? Nanti saya yang akan mewakilkan di pengadilan.”

…dan bersamaan dengan itu melayanglah 4 lembar 20 ribuan dari dompetku ke tangan Pak Polisi di dalam sebuah pos polisi perempatan Johar; jumlah harus sesuai dengan permintaannya. Dan dengan sebuah “tanda tangan basa-basi”, prosesi fiktif “mewakilkan proses sidang ke Pak Polisi” diselesaikan; STNK kembali ke tangan saya.

Dan waktu itu saya sedang berkeliling dengan kawan SMU saya semasa di Kalimantan yang sudah 4 tahun tidak saya jumpai, jadi apapun permintaan si Polisi, urusan saya dengan teman saya jauh lebih penting. Lagipula saat itu sedang ada banyak uang di dompet saya.

Tapi saya kemudian berpikir soal pemerasan terlembaga yang dilakukan oknum-oknum ini. Kalau ada yang bilang bahwa masyarakat juga mendukung terjadi penyuapan, itu omong kosong. Karena kalau kita mengikuti prosedur resmi, kita akan dipersulit. Jadi yang ada adalah jalan pintas atau jalan buntu. Ini haram, karena yang halal adalah jalan yang lurus, jalan yang legal. Bukan yang menawarkan jalan pintas, atau yang menyebabkan jalan jadi buntu.

Sama seperti keputusasaan saya kalau memikirkan nasib rakyat Indonesia, begitu pula yang timbul saat memikirkan oknum ini. Cuma sesekali terlintas dengan sedikit rasa ingin tahu, dari sudut pandang yang sangat agamis, bagaimana jadinya dengan rumah tangga dan anak-anak yang dibiayai uang haram? Itu urusan Pak Oknum dengan karmanya. Dunia akan bersikap baik kepada orang-orang yang berbuat baik, itu keyakinan mendasar saya.

Ada sesuatu yang sangat salah yang terjadi di negara ini. Itu yang berkesan di hati saya dari kejadian di pos polisi Johar.

Dan bisa saja caci-maki saya lontarkan ke Pak Oknum sekarang, tapi jujur saya tidak mau kena masalah. Dan artinya dalam hal ini saya termasuk seorang pengecut yang tertindas sistem yang korup. Ada orang-orang yang punya kekuasaan instan yang mutlak sekedar karena memakai seragam coklat-hitam-putih yang dilengkapi pentungan, pistol dan peluit. Profesi khusus. Oknum. Saya rasa banyak orang-orang lain yang berseragam berbeda tapi dengan profesi khusus yang sama. Anda sial; bayar atau hidup anda jadi buyar. “Takuti kami”, bisikan halus mereka dengan dada membusung yang implisit menggoda. Kita kalah fisik, kalah senjata, dan kalah; karena mereka dibayar untuk ditakuti.

Tapi bagusnya, saya jadi berpikir tentang profesi lain yang bisa saja terseret ke lubang hitam kenistaan seperti profesi Pak Oknum. Profesi dokter. Bisa jadi sama saja. Sederhananya begini, dengan seragam jas putih, seorang dokter punya kekuasaan instan yang mutlak atas tubuh dan kesehatan seseorang. Oke lah, ada informed consent, persetujuan pasien atas tindakan medik. Tapi kalau pasien dan keluarganya kalah pintar dan kalah terdidik soal problem medis dari si dokter, tentu mereka percaya saja kepada si dokter. Ada rasa takut, berasal dari kebutaan mereka tentang dunia medis, yang instan membuat mereka bisa berucap, “terserah dokter saja baiknya bagaimana.” Dan seorang Dokter Oknum bisa saja menganiaya pasien dan keluarganya secara finansial misalnya, dengan memerintahkan tindakan ini itu yang mahal namun dikatakannya perlu untuk menyelamatkan jiwa si pasien. Jas putih itu, yang bisa jadi dilengkapi stetoskop di leher dan PDA di pinggang Dokter Oknum memberinya hak istimewa untuk ditakuti orang awam.

Tapi coba tebak apa bedanya?

Bedanya adalah, hampir semua orang berseragam coklat-hitam-putih yang dilengkapi pentungan, pistol dan peluit yang akan menghentikan kita di jalanan berprofesi rangkap sebagai Oknum. Sementara hanya ada segelintir dokter-dokter yang berani merangkap sebagai Oknum, dengan menghadapi risiko dilecehkan sejawat dan masyarakat sebagai orang yang tidak bermoral dan tidak berperikemanusiaan. Saya yakin 100%, dokter-dokter masih punya hati nurani. Kalau bukan orang baik, atau setidaknya masih punya kebaikan dalam hatinya, maka seseorang tidak akan mau jadi dokter (antara lain karena biaya pendidikan tinggi, gaji awal rendah, kehidupan pribadi tidak sewajar kebanyakan orang, dan saingan banyak). Selain pertimbangan keuntungan ekonomi, ada alasan “hati” yang membuat seseorang akhirnya sanggup menjadi dokter. Saya bukan dokter, namun itu yang saya pikirkan saat memikirkan profesi dokter.

Faktanya saja, lebih banyak dokter yang kaya dengan halal dibanding Oknum yang berseragam coklat-putih-hitam. Karena walau sebenarnya bisa saja melakukan hal serupa, dokter tidak bertahan hidup dari kegiatan intimidasi dan pemerasan di sebuah perempatan seperti bapak-bapak oknum.

Anton si Pembawa Air Tuba

July 3, 2006 § Leave a comment

RIEKE DAN ANTON

Kesan pertama yang ditangkap Rieke dari Anton tidak baik. Setelah bekerja bersama Anton di senat mahasiswa selama beberapa minggu, menurut Rieke Anton tidak lebih dari seorang mahasiswa bermulut besar yang suka ribut dengan orang lain. Bahkan Rieke muak dengannya, karena harus mendengarkan omongannya saat mereka hadir bersama untuk rapat. Berulang kali Anton mengeluarkan komentar, “kita di sini kan tidak dibayar, apa untungnya juga aku ikut senat, malah buang-buang waktu.”
Tapi beberapa bulan kemudian, saat sedang menunggu rapat dimulai Anton mendatanginya. “Rieke, aku terancam drop-out karena tidak ada biaya loh”. Rieke bertanya lebih lanjut. “Kakakku yang tadinya membiayaiku di-PHK. Sekarang aku sudah tidak bisa membayar uang kuliah. Teman-teman saja banyak yang suka mengumpulkan uang bersama-sama untuk membantuku. Kadang-kadang aku tidak makan karena harus berhemat.”
Rieke tidak banyak komentar, tapi sejak itu beberapa kali dia memberikan sejumlah uang dari orang tuanya untuk Anton. Sampai suatu saat akhirnya Rieke meminta ayahnya memberikan pekerjaan untuk Anton. “Kasian Pa, adiknya banyak, orang tuanya sudah tidak ada dan dia lumayan pintar.”
Jadilah akhirnya Anton kerja paruh waktu di perusahaan ayah Rieke. Dia dibayar penuh seperti karyawan lain karena menurut ayah Rieke, Anton perlu dibantu.
Sudah jelas bahwa Rieke akan meneruskan perusahaan ayahnya, sehingga Rieke sering berkunjung ke kantor perusahaan. Rieke tidak pernah memperlakukan Anton seperti karyawan lain saat mereka berada di kantor. Di kampus pun, Rieke menganggap hubungannya dengan Anton sekedar teman, tanpa embel-embel “karyawan perusahaan keluarga kami”.
Rieke sering memantau apa saja kebutuhan Anton, dan memberi tahu orang tuanya apa yang bisa mereka berikan ke Anton. Mulai dari pinjaman uang, kamera saku, sampai jaket dan tas baru.
Tapi Rieke sendiri selalu menolak memberikan langsung uang ataupun barang ke Anton walau sebenarnya pemberian itu atas inisiatifnya. Rieke selalu meminta orang tuanya yang menyerahkan. Buat Rieke, Anton adalah teman yang perlu diperlakukan sederajat dengannya, jangan sampai ada kesan Anton tergantung padanya.
Selama beberapa bulan Rieke dan Anton menjalani hubungan pertemanan yang mutual dan menyenangkan, bahkan Rieke tidak habis pikir kenapa awalnya dulu ia bisa tak menyukai Anton.
Sampai suatu saat hal-hal yang aneh mulai terjadi. Saat Rieke butuh bantuan Anton, ia selalu menghindar dan mencari-cari alasan untuk tidak melakukannya, berkali-kali. Akhirnya Rieke kesal dan mengkonfrontasi Anton, karena itu membuat Rieke tidak menghargai Anton lagi sebagai teman. Namun Anton malah seperti hilang akal dan mengamuk, marah-marah kepada Rieke karena menurutnya Rieke tidak tahu prioritas sampai-sampai ada pekerjaan yang harus dititipkan padanya. Reaksi Anton dinilai aneh oleh Rieke, sampai-sampai Rieke berucap, “Jangan sampai kamu mengucapkan sesuatu yang akan kamu sesali Anton!”. Anton justru makin berang, terus membentak-bentak dan menyuruh Rieke menjelaskan maksud kata-kata itu, karena menurutnya ia harus membuat keputusan tentang masa depannya.
Rieke tahu bahwa Anton hanya sedang memancingnya, kalau Rieke sampai membuat Anton dipecat dari perusahaan ayahnya, maka entah fitnah apa yang akan disebarkan Anton ke kawan-kawan mereka di kampus dan karyawan perusahaan. Akhirnya Rieke tidak meladeninya lagi, tapi yang jelas peristiwa ini sampai ke telinga orang tua Rieke dan mereka menyesalkan perbuatan Anton. Selama ini Anton selalu baik pada Rieke dan mereka, tapi kenapa sekarang sikapnya seperti anak durhaka begini.
Kenyataannya, Anton bisa kerja di tempat itu karena rekomendasi Rieke. Anton mendapat semua keistimewaan dan gaji lebih dari yang seharusnya karena semua yang diucapan Rieke ke ayahnya. Dan Rieke maupun ayahnnya tidak pernah mengungkit-ungkit hal itu ke Anton. Bahwa Anton bukan cuma dibantu oleh ayah Rieke, tapi justru oleh Rieke sendiri. Dan sekarang justru Anton berlaku tanpa rasa hormat seperti ini.
Yang jelas, ayah Rieke pernah menganggap Anton seperti anaknya sendiri dan punya rencana untuk memberi Anton peluang lebih besar di perusahaannya. Tapi setelah semua ini, semua pintu ia tutup untuk Anton. Ia bertanya pada Rieke, “Kamu mau ayah apakan si Anton?”, secara implisit menanyakan apa ia mesti memecat Anton untuk Rieke, anak satu-satunya. Rieke hanya menjawab, “Biarkan saja”.
Tapi tidak ada lagi perlakuan istimewa untuk Anton di kantor, tidak ada lagi bonus-bonus yang lebih dari karyawan lain, tidak ada lagi rencana promosi jabatan untuknya. Semuanya hilang.
Rieke tidak menggubris Anton, sampai suatu kali mereka terpaksa bekerja bersama lagi. Tapi hubungan mereka hanya sebatas sopan santun dan penuh kesinisan tersembunyi.
Rieke mulai membaca karakter Anton sebenarnya, yang selama ini selalu ia abaikan dengan sengaja karena hanya ingin melihat kebaikan Anton. Anton lebih banyak berteman dengan anak-anak yang berduit, yang bisa menyokongnya dengan dana. Selain itu, sikap Anton cenderung egois dan suka memerintah teman-temannya untuk melayaninya. Baru sekarang Rieke berani melihat kenyataan sebenarnya, bahwa Anton memang bukan sosok baik yang disangkanya selama ini.

Ayah Rieke meminta Anton untuk menambah jam kerjanya yang makin berkurang belakangan ini karena alasan kuliah. Anton malah menjawab dengan surat, bahwa ia “tidak merasa berdosa kalau tidak masuk kerja karena banyak tugas kuliah yang harus diselesaikan.” Dan bahwa ia “minta dibayar per jam saja.” Ayah Anton langsung menjawab dengan resmi bahwa mereka mengabulkan permintaannya, dan mulai sekarang gaji Anton diperhitungkan berdasarkan jumlah jam kerja. Akibatnya, sekarang gajinya hanya separuh dari uang yang dulu diterimanya dari perusahaan, dengan jumlah jam kerja yang sebenarnya tidak jauh berbeda.
Rieke tahu bahwa kini ia sudah sepenuhnya menghilangkan Anton dari hidupnya, bahkan cenderung membencinya. Dan ia ingin menempatkan Anton kembali ke posisinya, yaitu sebagai karyawan ayahnya, di kampus maupun di kantor. Bahkan sekarang, gaji Anton pun dititipkan lewat Rieke oleh ayahnya. Rieke sendiri yang menyerahkan amplop gaji ke tangan Anton, dengan pesan tanpa kata-kata, “aku dan keluargaku masih mau memberi uang ini buatmu, walau kamu berlaku tidak pantas padaku.”

Air susu dibalas air tuba? Apakah Anton memang selalu iri pada Rieke, semua kelebihan yang dimilikinya sampai ia bereaksi seperti itu? Apakah Anton lelah bermuka manis di depannya hanya karena Rieke anak bos perusahaan? Apa karena Anton tidak bisa memperalat dan memanipulasi Rieke seperti ia melakukan itu kepada teman-temannya yang lain, dan akhirnya ia kesal dan meledak? Yang jelas Rieke dan keluarganya sudah menjalankan kewajiban membantu orang yang membutuhkan uluran tangan, seperti Anton. Bahwa Anton menjadi orang yang tak tahu diri dan tidak bersyukur, itu urusan Anton dengan karmanya sendiri.
Apapun penyebabnya, peluang karir Anton musnah karena perbuatannya sendiri. Ia kehilangan teman dan patron. Dan Rieke sudah mantap, Anton mesti dikembalikan ke tempatnya semula, bukan teman, tapi karyawan biasa di perusahaan.
(buat Chantika AT, “Anton” dalam kehidupan nyata.)

Where Am I?

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